- b0niqua -

I love you John

2004-09-17T02:40:00.000-07:00

I don't know how or what to say or how im supposed to feel. John, i miss you. I never thought the pain would be this strong. I go by each day knowing that you're in a better place and that you are watching us as each day passes.

Never did i think that the last time i saw you would be the very last time. I wish i had an indication so that i could tell you how much i love you and how much i have appreciated your friendship. I wish i had hugged you and kissed you goodbye. Moreoever, i wish i could be there with you, just to hold your hand so that i knew God took you safely and without any pain.

I remember how you would send me emails telling me your secrets and i swore i would never tell anyone. I keep that promise John. Your secrets are safe with me. I also remember how you would always be that helping hand for me, just when i needed it most. Even though we're not blood related, you always assured me that whatever happened, you would be there to help pull me thru. Why? Cos brothers help their sisters.

I want you to know John that i will try my best to look after your siblings, as best as i can. After all, i consider them my own family.

Every night, i say a prayer for you. I want you to be safe and well.

Oh dear brother, i pray that you are in a place where you can be happy. You are the angel that will guide my way and ensure my everlasting happiness.

I miss you and i love you.

you're loving and faithful sister,
Norhana

ps. someday we'll make it down that road, Mentone or Dandenong? Are we gonna crash the "strip" or Chadstone? Shall we watch the mop demo again and again or will we stare at the hot girl swinging her candy? Did you want to ogle at her muscles or are you still in love with 'Footlocker' girl? Its VONDUTCH ok? And i know you like it :) I stand under the basket, no? Nike red or nike white? Footlocker dude likes Wendy! *no0oo0o* i know you want herrrrrr ;) and we don't care abt the other one, right? One day i'll reach the *bump bump bump* oh and bro? Chadstone, ground floor, food court, msian restaraunt. be there, i'll be waiting. in the lift, out the lift. Where's the trolley? Why wont the door close? JOHN!! not again! woman with the 'beehinve hair' "tinggi jua rambutnya" with a click of my boots, im outta here.

nova100

2004-08-29T22:06:00.000-07:00

damn, today was tiring. Woke up early to go jogging and then helped my mum with the housework. We had to do some grocery shopping aswell, so i accompanied my mother =) i bet she's gonna miss me on monday. bwahahah..

//Ashlee Simpson - Love makes the world go round

Anyway, after that i met with Hamish and Bryan at gaydong. Seriously, i don't see how people can revolve their life around that place. Its so.. dead. I mean there are loads of people but you see the same faces everytime. From the Mall to CoffeeZone, which is what? 250m or more, you see about 15 people you know, or you know off. gawww.. give me some new faces pweety pls. =p

My head is still spinning from CZ =) heheh.. grr.. skewl starts on Monday. I think half of the new jis teachers were in gadong today. heheh.. You can always tell when there are new ppl in brunei just by the way they dress ;)

Whats this abt skewl starting at 7.30? Skrew that. Im going to school at the normal time. Im gonna be samseng. blah.. what they gonna do? Suspend me cos im late. hah. thats me "trying" to be samseng. apakan?

- out

i miss you so damn much. Talking to you just now brought back too many memories. I miss you, CAN'T YOU SEE?!? mmm.. everything seems so different. You were different from the others. I hate you for leaving but i love you cos u gave me so much. hahah.. maybe a lil too much. We're gonna meet sumwhere ryte and the rest is history, ryte? =D ahh skrew u, you baboon chasing looser. mwah. love you to bits <3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3>

im on top of the worlddddd ~

2004-08-26T21:41:00.000-07:00

HAHAHAH! I am on top of the world! =) Gcse's are truly over. No more worrying about failing or passing cos i passed with flying colours. congratulations to everyone else who did well.. =) we deserved it, no? And to those who aren't all that happy.. heyy, we have A-levels. =)

//Nina Sky - You deserve

gaww.. it feels so dman good. If ur thinking im up myself for being so happy abt my results, give me some credit okay? =p anyway, 2 more days til we're due back in the hell hole (school).. we have 40 new teachers and a gazillion new kids. It'll be an interesting first day back. =/

The past 3 months have been a whirlwind. Ive done so much thinking and have come to soo many conclusions. I've thought abt life in general and i feel alot better abt everything. :)

I've finally accepted the changes in my life and i know that whatever happens, i'll still be happy.. I'm not going to let other people ruin things for me. I know who my true friends are and thats whats important to me.
Life is like this big game, we all win and we all lose, is just how we play it that really determines the outcome. omg, how cliche is that?

//All American rejects - Time Stands still

i had to go the australian high commision to make a new passport. Damn, the woman who works there is so rude-ish. She called my Dad by his first name instead of mr. __ as u shud. Then she complained that my name was too long. Get a life wud u? Why should she car that my name is too long? Man, she thinks she's so good cos she works at the high commision but she's got the same status as someone who works as a clerk back in aussie. hah. looser. lame. whatever. im hyper.

After that long ass chat with Iyra, im all hyper. hahah.
i better go, before i do some injury to myself. =)

taggers:

[MAL] i noe =) u shud be a photographer. remember, i cudn't stop looking at it..
[CELIA] heheh.. yeh i passed, thank God. I sayang u too ka, cheer up yea?
[JASMINE] my eyes? hehe thnx. They don't look any different but thanks for the compliment!! :D
[FINAH] yeh i look chubby in that pic. i agree with you there. hahah =)
[DIYA] hahah.. hey u! exotic? thanks loads. don't be sakai. You should've gone to rano's party, thats where i met ur sisters =D

LeanBack! LeanBack!

2004-08-25T23:37:00.000-07:00

//play Nelly ft. Jaheim - MyPlace

When the hell are the GCSE results going to come out??grr.. not that i really want to see them but I WANT TO SEE THEM! am i confusing you? We were all having a field day on MSN just now. It was Me, Mag, Fakhri,Hamish, Anant and Bryan in a group chat. Gawd, was that some funny shit... or some funny shit =p
Here's what we were all talkin abt:

ME : whats takin them soo long??
NAFI: hahaha
FAKHRI: sup?
NAFI: stupid ass
MAG: its a levels and all that as well
NAFI: they're prolly like having a party
ME: maybe that mr old man that does the results had a heart attack or sumfin
HAMISH: HAHAHAHHAHA

and then there was the episode with the sluts:

FAKHRI: RESLUTS
MAG: hahahhahah resluts
FAKHRI: SLUTS ARE OUT
MAG: haahahaha
NAFI: resluts!
fakhri: SLUTS!!!!

Then we decided to have a big, happy cyber-orgy!

me: hey lets hav an orgy
mAG: hahahahahahahahahaha
Nafi: ahahahha
Nafi: maybe set up a massive orgy
Nafi: YEAH!

There's more but im not THAT sad to cut and paste bits of the convo =p

hahah.. i was looking thru my files and came across this photo of Lee and I.. he was cool =) I would resize it to fit the thing but i am so not bothered. =) =)

Against all odds ..

2004-08-25T18:17:00.000-07:00

[[ So take a look at me now, well there’s just an empty space

And there’s nothing left here to remind me, just the memory of your face ]]

Gawwww.. our second batch of results come out tomorrow. School starts on monday. How fast does time fly? very fast. that was a rhetorical question btw. anyway, A-level starts soon.. i know i say this every time i start a new year so i won't bother saying it, i'll just put it into action. Its a hard life. =p

omg, i have nothing to say. is it that obvious? =/

[/edit] omdg, this is what my dad's stars say today..

Mercury (Rx) is up to no good again and over the next few days there may be some problems or minor situations concerning a child's education or an emotional scenario with a loved one could be played out. What's important is how you handle it, not the issue itself

ahhh.. just in time, just when my results are abt to come out. grr, can't a meteor come and crash and mix the stars in the sky up or something. Or does it not work like that? =( [/edit]

Without you

2004-08-21T22:32:00.000-07:00

I feel soo ... i dunno, i can't exactly put my finger on it. All i know is i'm not as happy i was before the holidays started. I've done soo much thinking over these holidays, just about life, people and the future. I know i have no reason to be unhappy cos i have it pretty easy compared to some other kids around the world. Ahh thats life i guess. We're never really happy with whatever we have.

Its so quiet without him these days. My phone doesn't ring as much as it used too and i don't laugh as much. Without him, i feel like another part of me just isn't there. I miss him so much. =`( I can only imagine what could've been if he hadn't of left.. Its funny how certain people at this age can make your life feel so complete.. What a good friend he is. =(

My posts are getting depressing with each day.

[Ly] heheh yeh, doesn't it just suit nafi? =p
[FINAH] yeh, his hat is rawkin. =p and u noe u look eurasian :) so its all good!
[NINZ] roite.. and why would that sound familiar nin? bwahah ;)
[IYRA] thnx iyrz :) <3<3>[JO] thnx. theres a new one comin soon =)
[DIYA] heyy u. :) thnx for visiting. =)
[15] hahah, i noe i am :D prasan. so ru. u lawa too ... =D

Get me outta here

2004-08-20T19:18:00.000-07:00

Yesterday i went to Miri with the family. We always end up having a really good time. Loads of laughs and stuff. Oh gawsh, i've had this slpitting headache since last night. I feel so sick and grr.. my eyes hurt and blablabla.

I have nothing to say. yesterday was Sarah's birthday and i tried to call her from Miri but she was in the shower. Gawd, why am i even blogging about this?

i am so outta here ..

[/ random] Kristin Kreuk is probably the most beautiful actress to hit Hollywood. She's eurasian and so stunning. Im eurasian. Wat the hell happened to me? [/random]

Falls on me

2004-08-18T22:28:00.000-07:00

//Eva Cassidy - Time after time

Its been a rough week for me but im managing slowly. I suppose when hard times hit you, you just have to have a positive outlook on everything. I'd rather be realistic than fake. Sure, im going through a rough patch at the moment, but i'm not going to pretend like everything's okay. I've been thinking alot about my friends and my so called friends. In my head i've seperated those who have betrayed me and those who have stood by me.
Not surprisingly, i came up with more 'friends' who have betrayed me than those who have stood by me. My head was spinning and it suddenly occured to me i have nothing to lose. At this point of my life, i know i have true friends and although it feels like i've been spat on, ripped into pieces and then burned to ashes, i don't have to bother with all those haters anymore. Talk all you like because at the end of the day, you're still the looser. I have nothing to lose.

Thank you Fakhri for being there for me last night. You've always been there for me when i've needed it the most. Even though you cheer me up in the oddest ways, your words are wise and clear and whenever im in doubt, i read them because they give me that kick i need every once in awhile. <3<3<3 href="http://seksie.net/bombom">Iyra, you're email helped me soo much. Everything you said is so true and i love you dearly cos you have opened up my eyes to whats going on around me. <3<3<3>

Here are more pictures of my webcamming session with these fine and handsome *cough cough* guys. well actually they arent that good looking, as you can see for yourself. haha joke. jgn marah ahh hanafi? =)



Evening Magic: Now what would they need that for?



Dodgy: Danials explicit hat.



Music Man Dan: Serious jua?



Savage Bliss: Well, always good to be on the safe side,no?

 



Dear You: haha you wish you were my friend. You playing me like that. Lying straight to my face. I should've known you're mouth was bigger than you heart. Let me get this straight, when you come back from wherever you are, expect a very long talk with me. If you even dare to lie to me again, expect very severe consequences. :)

When it makes you sick ... tell them where to go =)

2004-08-17T22:27:00.000-07:00

Yesterday i was in no mood for anything. Everyone shooting me with bad news and when i needed it most, i had no one to talk too. Actually thats not true, I chose not to talk about it. I knew it would only make me more upset. Thanks Nina <3

Anyway, yesterday was a pretty fooked up day. I was upset in the morning, pissed off in the afternoon and just plain lonely at night. What a looser i am? =p

Swimming was the total shits yesterday and to top it off there were four horny men watching. What is it with men these days? I mean, not all of them are like this but i've noticed there are more than ever now. No respect for the female gender. How would you liked to be stared at, from the bottom up and then have them say dirty things about you? I am not a thing to be ogled at, if i wanted that i would stand on the streets at night, free of charge. So anyway, as they were commenting on my legs .."panjang kakinya.." i turned and said, " kenapa? tak pernah tengok perempuan org putih ker? Yang kau susah kakiku panjang, kenapa? jealous? " it was lame but i was soo annoyed. The look on their face was surely a 'kodak moment'. That put them in the right place cos they didn't look at me after that. Its sick. Sick people in this world.

all the things left undiscovered
2004-08-17T10:48:00.000-07:00
Take it back, take it all back now
The things i gave, like the taste of my kiss on your lips,
I miss that now
I can't try any harder than i do
All the reasons i gave, excuses i made for you
Are broken in two

All the things left undiscovered
Leave me empty and left to wonder
I need you
All the things left undiscovered
Leave me waiting and left to wonder
I need you
Yeah I need you

Don't walk away

Touch me now how i wanna feel
Something so real, please remind me
My love, and take me back
Cuz im so in love with what we were
Im not breathing im suffocating without you
Do u feel it to

All the things left undiscovered
Leave me waiting and left to wonder
I need you
All the things left undiscovered
Leave me empty and left to wonder
I need you
Yeah I need you

When im in the dark and all alone
Dreaming that you'll walk right through my door,
Its then i know my heart is whole
Theres a million reasons why i cry
Hold my covers tight and close my eyes
Cuz i dont wana be alone

All the things left undiscovered
Leave me waiting and left to wonder
I need you
All the things left undiscovered
Leave me empty and left to wonder
I need you, I need you

Cuz i cant fake and I cant hate
But it's my heart
Thats about to break
You're all i need
I'm on my knees
Watch me bleed
Would you listen please
I give in
I breathe out
I want you, theres no doubt
I freak out, I'm left out
Without you, im without
I'm crossed out
I'm kicked out
I cry out
I reach out
Don't walk away

Im just praying you'll come back. All those times we've had. Our nights together, our secrets shared our laughs and fights will always remian with me. You're truly special to me and although i'll never admit it, i do love you.

a proper update later.

Thorpie <3

2004-08-16T13:59:00.000-07:00

[/edit] sometimes i feel i do too much for other people and they don't appreciate it. I rarely get angry and i'm always patient when things go wrong. I'll wait for an hour, more if i have too if they come late. I never complain, so why? Why do i still get treated this way? No one ever said life was easy but i didn't expect it to be this hard [/edit]

Last night i wanted to watch Petria Thomas swim her 100m Butterfly but i fell asleep. grr.. This morning i woke up and went running.. okay, walking. while running around the track i was thinking about the 200m freestyle race that Ian Thorpe's swimming in and i got all nervous. Is that weird?
Its dubbed as the 'race of the century' and if Thorpe or Hackett don't win, i'll be so upset. There are 5 of them all going for that gold. Oh God. Please let Aus get it. =) I am such a swimming freak =p No different to those who go on about the English football 24/7. =D

// Fuel - Falls on me

So besides the Olympics, not much else has been happening. Well, this is Brunei but nonetheless school will be opening soon. How gay is that? We'll be seeing all the newbies, all the new teachers. JIS is like the worst school for bullying. Seriously, there isn't much physical fighting, but verbally and emotionally, that hellhole wins hands down. We have it all, 2 faced, back stabbers, take your pick. As far as i know, i don't hold a grudge against anybody. I guess some people just have nothing better to do. Its funny though because one day half the grade will talk all this shit about you and the next day, it's as if nothing ever happened. How come some people can be so shallow and yet, make it through life? I know loads of people will agree with me.

Well that was enough bitching for me. It'll be a clean slate for me next year. Low profile. But sometimes, when you want to keep out of fights and stuff, people will always find a way to pull you in.

Life is tough when your a teenager. Bad news Norhana. It gets tougher.

What a way to start the morning. =)

[random] I was reading, the Australian Swimming team is made up of 30 different nationalities. There's a fact you can impress that cute guy at the next party you're at =) [/random]

Lol.

2004-08-15T15:05:00.000-07:00

im blogging, yet again? *sighh* i am deprived of entertainment of any sort. That is until ..... these four bozo's came along and we had a funny web camming session. =) check out the pix. hahah.. they make me laugh soo much. I'm going to miss my classes with Fakhri and Hanafi. Zaed and Farullah rock too =) <3<3<3<3>

*check out the sexy tissue box!! lol.*

*I thought this picture was funny.. don't as me why. i can give you a million reasons ;)*

*The operator in action*

maybe i'm the one to blame

2004-08-14T22:50:00.000-07:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY YANI!
Wish you all the best on your day Yan. Thanks for all the memories, all our good and bad times. What a true friend you are =) x0x0 <3<3<3>

What a total let down the AF concert was last night? I went over to Hafiz's house to watch it and it was soo loud at his house cos everyone was really in the AF mood, even before the concert had started. The room was practically seperated in three different sections. There was the Zahid section, the Bob section and the ' Thank God AF is finishing tonight' group, which consisted of my dad and Hafiz's dad. hahah.. Honestly, i am really glad AF is over although i must admit, Zahid is kinda good looking, in his own way ;)

I've been watching the swimming over in Greece and phwoar~ are some of the swimmers fine!! =D anyway, i was talking to my Dad and he told me he had plans of sending me back to Australia when i was 10 so that i could continue my swimming at a higher level. Apparently there was a place reserved for me at the AIS. Why didn't he send me back? He said i was too young. It could've been me on the podium, getting a medal. okay, going too far but yeh, how i wish i could swim for Australia. I think the biggest honour for me would be to represent my country and it's people. =)

TASH!! You know i love you ryte?? my bootiful cousin who i had the funniest conversation with when i was back in Aussie. =) I was soo weird that night, starting all my sentences with, 'oh it was funny because..." =) *mwah*

Somebody told me ..

2004-08-13T19:57:00.000-07:00

So the Olympic's opened yesterday. For some reason, there isn't much hype about it. I hope i used 'hype' in the right context. The opening was better in Sydney but i was quite pleased when Iraq came out and everyone was clapping really hard.. I just think they deserved that welcome since their country is in ruin's but i won't go into that. I was telling my mum what an honour it would be if i was carrying the Australian flag into the stadium. Ahh damn.. How i wish! =)

Im looking at hairstyles. I need a change. I've had the same hairstyle for about 2 years. Where have i been?? I want to get bangs but its just not practical cos im always running around and stuff and i'll have hair in my face 24/7. help anyone? any idea's?

I hardly post picture's up of myself, actually, i rare;y post pix up of anything. Expect more pix soon =)

.
Me .. posing *ahem*

Look for the girl with the broken smile

2004-08-12T21:25:00.000-07:00

// Alicia Keys ft. Usher - If I ain't got you [ remix ]

Finally! It's taken me ages to get this site up and running. You can see from my weird layout and everything else. Anyway, Blogger's abit better than Diaryland. I mean, who would even call their site Diaryland? weird..

//Ashlee Simpson - Undiscovered

I love this song!! Ashlee Simpson's got a really unique voice. Its kinda raspy but still innocent, if that makes sense? My holiday in Australia was damnnnnn good. phwoar~ Since i was travelling by myself i was really on the look out for weirdo's, rapists, mass murderer's etc. etc. hahah.. if you catch my drift. On the way to Melbourne i was travelling at night and i didn't even sleep!! I sat up all night watching the movie's. they had really good movies on and im paying that much, why not make the most of it ryte? Actually, the real reason i didn't sleep was cos i didn't want anyone going thru my bag or take advantage of me cos im young, innocent and vulnerable. hey! you have to be very careful!! I made it safely though all the way to Melbourne. =D

The first week, i didn't do much cos i was staying with my grandparents. We did go out a few times and watched The Stepford Wives. What an odd movie that is. =p I got my hair highlighted too but you can't really see it. I'll get it done when i go to Malaysia in November!

As soon as i hit Melbourne, i was out every day, every night doing whatever. Walking to the shops, hanging out at the cafe, shopping, meeting my old friends. There was just so much to do and so many different things to see. I met up with John, Deron, Vyron, Anton, Connie, Wendy at Chadstone. hahah.. Do you know how loud we can be as a group? Lets just say, we earned stares wherevere we went! We spent about 6 bloody long hours walking around Chadstone. We were so tired in the end, we nearly rented this motor bike for the disabled and elderly to move around in, but we didn't pass as disabled or elderly so no luck there!

//Franz Ferdinand - Take me out

I also managed to catch up with Siti! We had this long ass chat at Starbucks. Before that we went shopping on Bridge Road. we had to take the tram there and it was full of Essondon and Carlton supporters. go Essondon! =) =)

This is long. I miss blogging.

- out